Communication Books

Poor communication is often at the heart of a relationship breakdown. For many couples, once they separate, there is no need for them to communicate any further once they have split up their possessions and blocked each other on social media. However, when a couple shares parental responsibility for a child, it is vital that they continue to communicate so that they can effectively co-parent and work together to ensure the best interests of the child. This is, of course, easier said than done, particularly when the break-up has been contentious or painful. One of the ways that co-parents can support positive communication is through the use of a Communication Book.

In family law matters, the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (and the Family Court of Western Australia) frequently deal with parents who have difficulty communicating with one another about their children. Communication can easily break down between the parties when there are unresolved issues and anger between the parents. This often means that discussions that should be simple and purely logistical (such as handover arrangements) become hotbeds for anger and hostility. In these circumstances, parents should consider taking a post-separation course to develop the skills they will need to successfully communicate as co-parents.

In the meantime, the court may order the parents to keep face-to-face interaction to a minimum to avoid disagreements, and instead communicate important matters via a Communication Book. The Communication Book is a bound book with numbered pages. The child usually carries the Communication Book in their bag as they travel from parent to parent. Parents and carers can use the Communication Book to informally record a child’s progress and communicate important notations, such as homework, medication schedules, school activities and social events. Using the book for these purposes can greatly assist parents to effectively co-parent after a separation. Of course, parents should not use the book to be argumentative or for self-serving reasons. If there is a contentious issue, parents should keep the entry in the book brief and focused on the child. For instance, if the child forgets to bring an item home from a visit, the parent can insert a polite reminder in the book for it to be returned next time. From a practical point of view, just the fact of having to write the comments down can help the parents to moderate their emotional reaction and de-escalate the potential for conflict.  

A Communication Book is also a way for parents to share information about their child without either party feeling unsafe or as if they must be in constant communication with the other parent. For instance, in Laramie & Laramie [2024], the mother explained to the court that she had significant emotional trauma from the father’s behaviour during their relationship. Though she acknowledged that she needed to communicate with him as her child’s other parent, she admitted that she was fearful of every interaction and could not cope with communication via an electronic form as the father would have access to her all the time. She was willing to communicate via a physical Communication Book, which allowed her to set some boundaries between herself and the father.

When using a Communication Book, it is best for the parents to:

• be respectful and polite to one another
• be professional in tone, addressing the other parent as they would a work colleague
• make requests rather than demands
• remain calm and show restraint, without responding over minor issues
• when it is safe to do so, commit to regular communication and meetings
• keep communication child-focused

It can sometimes be difficult to work out whether an incident is urgent enough to warrant direct contact with a co-parent or whether it can just be noted in the Communication Book. For example, in Damron & Wagoner (No 2) [2023], the court heard of an instance when a mother took her child to the hospital emergency department with vomiting and later reported the incident in the Communication Book. The father was furious and abused her via text and verbally during handover, complaining that she should have contacted him directly instead of communicating the incident through the Book. He claimed that this action was a contravention of court orders, but the court found that the mother was not in breach of any court order and that it was not necessary in the circumstances for the mother to contact the father at 4 am in the morning.

The use of a physical Communication Book is not the only healthy way for separated parents to communicate with each other. Technology has progressed to the stage that many of the functions of the Communication Book can be fulfilled through mobile applications. Parents can sync calendars to reflect their child’s schedule and events and share information and photos. There are apps such as Our Family Wizard and 2houses that can track child expenses, school fees and child support, and others that can record transcripts of communication while filtering out abusive or threatening messages. Of course, parents can only effectively use these apps and online platforms if they both commit to respectful and child-focused communication, and comply with any agreements and court orders.

Go To Court can answer any questions about using a Communication Book, or help with any parenting matter. Please contact the family law team on 1300 636 846 for assistance.